Standing at the corner of Upchuck and Live Free was this dame who was so ugly she would make Andrea Bocelli wince. Now who'd believe that writing in this style would have been considered earthy and lowbrow? Ridiculous as using earthy and lowbrow instead of fucked-up and shitty. We used to be a culture of nice, as in "good girls don't swallow" and "polite" was a compliment. So the example I read today of the theory that "culture thrives on conflict" was how the Renaissance thrived during the terror and bloodshed of the Borgias. That brought forward the optimism that politics in 2012 will eventually sway away from hardening of the arteries to hardening of the dipsticks. So the following is dedicated to Matt LeBlanc's stalker Labia:

Prudence was an easy going, friendly and pleasant gal who was equally influenced by Helen Gurley-Brown and Joan of Arc. She liked sleep overs with the girls and Todd's overused "purple nurples" just to keep touching her. She never worried her family and her friends knew she was too smart to even try to bullshit her. Prudence knew every joke about her name and stuck with "the Beatles Dear Prudence was about Mia Farrow's sister" as her best comeback against the teasing. But here's the irony that only Prudence knew: her name means caution but her 15MB of fame came when she was called in as a last minute speaker on TED Talks due to the unfortunate accident of the speaker she replaced who fell to his death mimicking Tarzan's famous yodel while swinging on a rope swing over a gorge and the rope broke turning Tarzan into a death scream. So here's the zinger - Prudence Farrow's mom is Maureen O'Sullivan and her plaque on the Hollywood Walk of Fame is opposite Johnny Weissmuller's. Won't you come out to play?