TV or not TV - that is the molester. There was this guy differentiating your reflective self with your experience self. 18 minutes about living in the now and why it vaporizes what you're doing while you're doing it and later when your remembering self kicks in , your whole happiness feeling is changed. Excuse me? one more time . . . we remember how happy we were differently than how happy we actually were. OK . . . random memories: kindergarten - scared, not happy, afraid of the custodian behind the door where the furnace was. ~~ getting my first car - ecstatic, a little disappointed it was an automatic instead of a stick shift. ~~making out in the basement of the church before youth group started - not afraid of the dark rooms and dank smell. I'm not getting any difference in the rememberer or the experiencer. I like happiness is a verb because it's what we do, as in morning stuff, breaks, biz, becoming a becomer, tending to the enterprise, hand outs, fantalizing, rinse and repeating. From 2 years ago:

late in the day the lights go out in the room and under my fingernails
so many years of good fortune
aware that former life is where
the shoveled snow went
the gift of freedom to be who you are
even if it's too reclusive for the normals
is lifesaving and
bis vincit qui se vincit in victoria
(He conquers twice who conquers himself in victory)
the memory of "today I gave myself another chance"
exists only in backup and hangs like a fire extinguisher
the chance happened and this is it
captured like the windshield metaphor
in The Gift
it makes sense if you buy the veracity
and don't get lost in the circles of the talk
they're only there for the beat and the release
otherwise left out by way of shameless sloth
another peg in the cribbage board of crepitant self-pity
left back in the driveway where the snow was removed
I'm shaking before pouring, laughing more often
today is the best