People let me tell you 'bout my best friend . . . Raymond was a bit of a wonk, a nerd, lactose tolerant and sporting a space between his 2 centrals that you could stash a pencil in. He canoed through grade school before getting his ass handed to him in junior high because of a sketch. Raymond liked to draw and his elegant touch on his mechanical drawings not only got him an A but were draftsman quality even at age 13. He had this mad teenage crush on Miss Krunk, the science teacher who tooled around in a 300SL and wore bullet bras. Raymond fantasized about sitting in Miss Krunk's front seat as she reached across his arm and leg to open the glove box and, well, you know the rest. Her trademark was a turquois and silver clasp on her titan hair that Raymond pictured removing, allowing freedom for the captive long strands, but that's another story. Here's what happened: Raymond was daydreaming in Mr. Spitzer's art class one Tuesday morning and sketched out this sensual version of a nude Miss Krunk spanking Raymond for being naughty. When he looked up, Mr. Spitzer was standing over him and took the drawing while giving Raymond a detention. Spitzer dimed to Krunk and Raymond found himself being beckoned towards the guy leaning against the Buick parked just outside the school gate. Turns out Miss Krunk was a priestess in the Church of Cassius, an organization that prohibits caricatures of any kind, let alone naked renderings. The guy started to pull Raymond into the car but before he could get a good grip, Raymond whipped out his ID revealing he was a Nazi hunter registered with M5 and causing the guy to nearly shit himself and back off and rapidly drive away. Turns out Raymond made that fake ID with his Macintosh and before the Buick was out of sight, Miss Krunk pulled up, flipped open the gull-wing and Raymond slid into the front seat taking the martini stirred not shaken just as Ursula Andress closed the glove box. Then Will woke up and hummed Midnight Train to Georgia.