The foghorn alarm went off again today and Will is incapable of stoking his write a little fire within himself, feeling determined to find another costume to don. Sticking to our emphasis on summarizing here, get a load of this bag of dromedary dicks: Will says to himself "Eff wordsmithing - I'll re-invent Howard Hughes bra for Jane Russell, metaphorically of course. The process at work here is vaguely interesting but essentially Will goes looking for the next Apple, the next Google - the next garment for gihugeous globes. If I say Dr. Pepper, you'll say WTF? Here's what occurred: Will looks into Canada Dry, finds out it's a rising star in the Dr. Pepper Snapple Group in Plano, TX. The company surpassed Coca Cola (seriously) recently on the S & P 500 list so Will took a chance and moved his entire IRA into I'm a Pepper, You're a Pepper then came up with this gem: He wrote to the head of the Canada Dry Div. and said he could double their profits if they used his commercial that he uploaded on youtube featuring the Buckinghams single Kind of a Drag but reworked to say Canada Dry, when your baby don't love you with Abigail Breslin as his baby. The stock went from a 52 week high of $45 to $350 and Will is now messin' with a digital transcriber to capture his thoughts and inspirations instead of two fingering his keyboard to make this magic happen.

UPDATE: the reason Amy Adams handjob in The Master was so life-like, Hoffman sported a Snap On tool for her to realistically jerk without violating her basic morality. Make up shit as you go along.